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Jolnor
Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 12:15 am
by Pyrizzle
Dialog:
Jolnor: If you do us a favor, we might consider trusting you. There are 3 people i can think of that are influential here in Vilegard, that you should try to help.
Jolnor: First, there is Kaori. She lives....
Player: ok. Talk to Kaori. Got it.
Jolnor: Then there is Wrye.....
Player: Talk to Wyre. got it
Jolnor: last but not least, i have a favor to ask of you as well
Instead of saying there are 3 influential people in the village i think it should read
"There are 3 people
including myself I can think of that are influential here in Vile..."
Seems a lil off the way it is written originally.
Re: Jolnor
Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 5:28 pm
by Sarumar
nice one Pyro ! How about "there is two villagers and I..."
Re: Jolnor
Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2012 6:22 pm
by nyktos
Sarumar is on the right track...
but i think the NPC should say something like -
"my friends & i need some help..."
so it's less formal, and more believable.
there are quite a few spots that could be fixed - now that we are talking about it...
but it's totally understandable,
because some of the dialogue is written in English by non-native speakers.
these kinds of tweaks will really polish things up.
good posting guys! thanks.
Re: Jolnor
Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 4:00 pm
by Sarumar
Nice one Nyktos.. how about: Church and parishioners have some problems...
Re: Jolnor
Posted: Tue Nov 20, 2012 7:51 pm
by Pyrizzle
Good suggestions.
I'll keep my eye out for more.
Re: Jolnor
Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 4:06 am
by Pyrizzle
Found another one:
Talion: (the potion smells rancid, but you manage to drink it all down. The pain from the stomach decreases, and you feel one of the rotworms crawling up into your mouth. You quickly spit the worm into the now empty vial)
Should be:
Talion: (the potion smells rancid, but you manage to drink it all down. The pain from your stomach decreases, and you feel one of the rotworms crawling up into your mouth. You quickly spit the worm into the now empty vial)
Re: Jolnor
Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 9:34 pm
by Sarumar
Pyrizzle wrote:Found another one:
Talion: (the potion smells rancid, but you manage to drink it all down. The pain from the stomach decreases, and you feel one of the rotworms crawling up into your mouth. You quickly spit the worm into the now empty vial)
Should be:
Talion: (the potion smells rancid, but you manage to drink it all down. The pain from your stomach decreases, and you feel one of the rotworms crawling up into your mouth. You quickly spit the worm into the now empty vial)
more about worms:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ascaris_lumbricoides
now i feel really sick..
