scream pain and fire quest

[Pyrizzle]

SORROW:

*How did the Feygard guards betray you? This part doesn't really seem to fit in to the story. More details and explanations are needed.
*What is the point of doing the mapmaker section of this quest?
*Why is the map important to your quest?
*Why can't you do the quest w/o it? It seems like you could just walk up to Ash and take them out instead of having to hunt someone down for a map.
*Instead of using the Name Boss, we need an actual name for this NPC.
*Why include something where you fight the Phoenix? For now i will put in [INSERT NPC NAME]
*The entire Phoenix part really doesn't seem to fit in very well to the main storyline here. Maybe we could create the phoenix part as an quest you can start after defeating [INSERT NPC NAME], maybe make the phoenix only accessible after defeating [INSERT NPC NAME]
*Old Man needs a name as well. There is already an NPC called "Old man" in game.
*You will notice i did strike a few things and removed the parts where you either threaten to kill the mapmaker or claim to have destroyed the city of Ash yourself. They don't make sense unless you actually intend to fight the mapmaker. I also reworded a few lines for clarity.

*I think it might be easier in the end to have this as one continuing quest instead of 2 short ones, Fetching the Map could be part one and the second part would be going to Ash and returning to the Old man.

* Please capitalize the words at the beginning of sentences and beware of punctuation errors too.

~Work in Progress~

"Our hero (aka you) comes across a small encampment were you find an old man among the encampment who asks for your help."

Old man: Please young boy help us!
Hero:
*What do you need help with old man?
*Whatever old man. (ends conversation, can be restarted)
Old man: We are from the village Ash.
Old man: One day we were betrayed by the Feygard guards sent to defend our villages.
Hero:
*What? The Feygard guards would never do such a thing. You're lying old man! (ends conversation, can be restarted)
*Please going on.
Old man: Our village is overrun by monsters that burn everything they touch.
Old man: The brave fighters of Ash tried to fend them off, but they were all burned alive while trying to protect the village.
Old man: We here are the only ones that got away alive. We fear that if they are not stopped that they will spread and eventually destroy everything.
Hero:
*Okay old man, I will help you destroy this evil.
*No way old man your story is full of lies and I should report you to the Feygard guards and see what they have to say. (ends conversation to be restarted)
Old man: oh good, but before you go destroy this evil you must first find the map maker.
Old man: last I heard he went to Stoutford to get away from everything.
Hero:
*ok, I will go to Stoutford and seek the map maker.
*This sounds like something you should deal with on your own (End conversation, can be restarted)
*Alright but there better be some kind of reward in the end.

"After talking to the old man of ash. He sends you to find the map maker and believes he's in Stoutford."

You travel to Stoutford to find the map maker.(placement will be determined by Tom if he wishes)

Map maker:*looking scared* who are you? What do you want?
Hero:
* I'm looking for a map maker from Ash. Are you him?
* I'm here to kill you. I forget why I am here. (ends conversation to be restarted)
Map maker: Yes I am the map maker. Did Ash survived? Can I go back now? That's why you came right? To tell me I can go home?
Hero:
* Well no I'm sorry to say that the city of Ash has been destroyed. All that's left is a small encampment.
* I'm sorry but the city of Ash is now just a pile of ashes.
Map maker:* crying* Why? Why did those monsters destroy our town?
Hero:
* I don't know but I will find out. That's why I need the map, do you have it?
* I don't know and don't care. Do you have the map I need?
Map maker: Well that's the problem. All my map making supplies were destroyed in ash. If you are able to get the supplies I need, maybe I can make you the map you seek.
Hero:
* Ok, what supplies do you need?
* I don't need the map that bad (ends conversation to be restarted)
* This better be worth it.
Map maker: In order to make the map I require 5 Arulir skin, 10 dead spiders, a Phoenix quill, and a gall from an Oaken.
Hero:
* Where can I find a Phoenix?
Map maker: I haven't seen a Phoenix in years. Last I herd they live up in high places.
Hero
* Where can I find an oaken?
Map maker: The Oakens live in the forest south of here.but be warned on death the produce splinters that attack the oakens killer. Please be careful, the Oakens have been known to take out their enemies even after being stricken down. The splinters they shoot out are quite poisonous to humans.
Hero:
* What was it I needed again?
* Where can I find a Phoenix?
* Where can I find an oaken?
* Never mind (ends conversation, can he restarted). I will be right back with the supplies you need. (ends conversation, if you return he asks "Have you found my supplies yet?" then gives you the options listed above again)

"After retrieving the items to make the map you return to the map maker."

Map maker: Did you find my supplies yet?
Hero:
* No not yet. (ends conversation to be restarted)
* Yes, here they are.
* Where can I find the Phoenix?
* Where can I find the oakens?
Map maker: yes yes those are what I needed. Thank you! These will work perfectly.
[You gain 75xp ]
Map maker: While you were gone I found the map u wanted. It was in my pocket this whole time. Funny right?
Hero:
* So I did all that for nothing?
* Very funny.
Map maker: In return for your help, if you ever need a map I'll make you one free of charge.

(map maker can make maps to unknown treasure caves)
[You receive the map] ends quest

[Update Quest log, this portion is complete you can now continue on]

"After fighting your way past the dark fire monsters you see their leader standing next to the Feygard commander."

Boss: Awww... so your the one who has been interrupting my plans...
Hero:
* What's going on here?
* Yeah I'm the one that's messing up your plans! Why are you just standing there commander?
* Why is a Feygard commander here?
Boss: The commander is my puppet.
Boss: I bribed him into believing that he will receive riches beyond his wildest dreams if he were to have his troops leave the village of Ash.
Hero:
*but why?
*Why would you do such an awful thing?
Boss: Just for the fun of it... I love hearing you pathetic humans scream in pain and burned by my fire muahahahah!
Commander: I did what you asked NOW WHERE'S MY GOLD!?!?!?!
Boss: You are of no use to me anymore.
Commander: *Becomes consumed by dark fire and screams in agony and is then killed*
Boss: Hahaha yes that is the scream I love.
Boss: Now it's your turn to feel the burn muahahahaha!!!!!
Hero:
*For the shadow you will die!
*Just shut up and die already!
*Please don't hurt me!!!

"After destroying the dark fire demon boss and receiving the wing of the demon you leave the cave,a Phoenix flies down in front of you."
[UPDATE QUEST LOG]

Old man: Did you kill them?
Hero:
* Yes I slayed their leader and here's proof.
* No not yet (ends conversation, can be restarted)
* Can you tell me your story again? (old man retells the story)
Old man: What's this? ... This can't be... Yes it is! Its the wing from the Dark Fire Demon Master!!!
Old man: *Over joyed* You did it! You actually did it!!!
Old man: Oh thank you! Thank you very much! How can we ever repay you?

[ you receive 1000 XP and 500 gold] [Quest is finished]

Old man: Oh please young hero; please allow me to give you a blessing of the shadow.
Hero:
*Sure
*Ill pass thank you. (ends conversation. Is restarted from Old Man last sentence "oh please young hero")
[You receive: Blessing of the Shadow]
Old man: Thank you again hero.


------------------------------------Separate quest? ------------------------------------------
"As you prepare to attack the Phoenix the Phoenix speaks to you in human tongue."

Phoenix: no please wait I'm not here to attack you. I seek your help.
Hero:
*What's this? I can understand you! Please tell me how i can help you.
*Lies all lie you must die What kind of evil trickery is this? (starts a fight)
*Interesting I must hear more! How can I help?

Phoenix: I've been watching you ever sense you enter that cave hoping you would make it back out alive.
Phoenix: You see the big baddie[INSERT NPC NAME] in there that you just killed took all my eggs from my nest and turned my hatchlings evil.
hero:
* Oh my God I'm so sorry to hear that. But how can I understand you and you understand me?
* Well sucks to be you birdie now get out of my way (ends conversation to be restarted)
* I think you look taste... I shall kill you and eat you (starts a fight)

Phoenix: well I've been around for eons and have picked up invasion few things like human tongue. That is why you understand me. Now lets get to the point shall we? I want to make things right but I can't lay any eggs. If you are able to bring me the eggs of the hatchlings I will reward you greatly.
Hero:
*reward!!!! I'm in. How many you need?
*Why should I trust you. Your just a dumb bird. (ends conversation to be restarted)
*I think I should just kill you and the eggs I get ill eat! (starts a fight)

[This Phoenix does not drop anything nor any XP stats are the same as the other Phoenix and if you kill this Phoenix and come back the Phoenix will still be alive to restart conversation ]

Phoenix: I think 20 eggs will do just fine.
Hero:
* Ok I will get you your eggs
* On second thought ill pass.


"After getting the eggs for the Phoenix you return."

Phoenix: Did you bring me back my eggs?
Hero:
* Yes here you go
* No I'm still looking(ends conversation to be restarted)

Phoenix: Yes these will do just fine.
Phoenix: Thank you hero for helping me. You are very kind. Please allow me to bless you in fire.

[You receive the blessing of the Phoenix fire: increases BC by 5% and 5% chance of not getting an actor condition from enemies ](finishes quest)

After helping the Phoenix you return to the old man from ash.

*I adjusted the Actor condition because 20% is way too much for a simple quest such as this.

[Wyrmspawn]

Sorry, the fire demon kills the entire village just because it likes to hear humans scream in pain? That's a weird motive... Why not add a powerful fire artifact for it to steal in the village?

[sorrow]

Wyrm. That maybe a good reason for a monster to invade a village but remember were dealing with demons.
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ok Pyro to answer your questions or at least some of them.
1. How did faygard guards betray you?
A. They were sent to protect the village of Ash. Due to there commanders greed they (the gaurds) were forced to follow orders and abandon there post witch allowed the monsters in. I thought I put that in there. May have been edit out.
2. What's the point of the map makers quest?
A. Due to the destruction of the village of Ash everyone is either afraid and don't wanna tell you were this cave is or can't remember were the cave is. Therefore you need the map maker (because he's the only one who knows were the cave is.
3. Boss name?
A. That's still in the works. Need to look up some demonic names... That should be fun.
4. Old mans name?
A. That to is in the works.

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Ok just did some research on demon names and what they did and found 3 that may work here:
1. Jezebeth: demon of falsehood and lies.
2. Ukobach: inferior demon who maintains the fires of hell; appears ablaze. (In my mind the leading contestant for this quest)
3. Vetis: demon of corruption

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For the old mans name how about Sky Wyrm?

[Tomcat]

If the Feygard soldiers were supposed to guard the village, then perhaps the village should be in the northwest somewhere. Either off the road to Feygard itself, or along the road to Carn Tower.

[sorrow]

Ok then you would have to travel to stoutford for the map maker. And were would the fire demon cave be?

[Pyrizzle]

Sorrow:

The reason i asked those questions is because they are not really covered very well in the storyline.

For example: The "Old Man" tells you that the Feygard guards betrayed the village of Ash, but doesn't explain how they betrayed them. (it is explained why later on by the Guard Captain, but the old man never says anything about it himself)

------> Something like this needs to be added in right before you are sent out to find the mapmaker: "Due to the destruction of the village of Ash everyone is either afraid and don't wanna tell you were this cave is or can't remember were the cave is. Therefore you need the map maker (because he's the only one who knows were the cave is.)"

There are a few small details that the storyline needs to help bring then quest from being good to great.

The Beauty is in the details.

Ps: Please please please one post at a time my friend. I have to fix them when you double/triple/etc post.

[sorrow]

With the old man not knowing why the faygar guards left I did that on purpose because only the commander knew why they were leaving and that was because of his greed that's why no one from ash knew why the guards left. You see its one of those things... maybe we can make a side quest you ask one of the Ash surviver if they know what happened they say no but ask if you ever find the commander ask him why he ordered the guards to leave Ash. Would that be better?

[Pyrizzle]

With the old man not knowing why the faygar guards left I did that on purpose because only the commander knew why they were leaving and that was because of his greed that's why no one from ash knew why the guards left. You see its one of those things... maybe we can make a side quest you ask one of the Ash surviver if they know what happened they say no but ask if you ever find the commander ask him why he ordered the guards to leave Ash. Would that be better?

I know the reason is explained later on, but it's not the reason i was asking about but how they were betrayed.

What i was asking for is a little more dialog from the old man saying something like:

"When we woke up to the sounds of screaming within the village, we quickly realized that all the Feygard guards who were sent to protect us were gone, no where to be found."

There are little bits and pieces of information that needs to be explained to help round out the quest and allow the player to get lost in the story you have been working so hard on.

[sorrow]

OOOHHH ok I'm with you now give me a moment and ill pm you that answer. What do you think about then names?

[Pyrizzle]

I love the name Ukobach, I am tempted to name my next build this. =)

Not sure about the name for the old man... Sometimes it almost seems like jamming the keyboard will give good names for this game. Sometimes i think that might be how some have been named ((Just kidding Oskar!!))